Don't ever feel bad for making

a decision about your own life 

that upsets other people. You 

are not responsible for their happiness. 

You're responsible 

for your own happiness. 

Anyone who wants you to live

in misery for their happiness 

should not be in your life to 

begin with.

-A thing from Facebook that made sense-

I am known as the Snapchat Queen. I know exactly how to get people to notice you. I know the exact amount of time to wait between sending something and posting something on your story in correlation with how soon the person you are interested in responds. Am I manipulating people? Or is what I am doing just giving the correct cues? Is what I create, this 'intrigue' if you will, real or is it a fabrication of technological implications? Is this the world we live in now? 

I don't know.

I don't blame my parents for how I am. Well, maybe a little. I can't help it, okay? The constant back and forth bickering and the pushing and pulling my brother, Noah, and I back and forth, to and fro, is bound to leave its mark eventually isn't it? I know that my Mom and Dad tried their best to keep it together and keep the arguing to a minimum for my brother and I, and I know I was much better off than some kids in a similar situation, but it still hurt. It hurts when my Grandmother applauds my parents for the "excellent way they raised me and Noah". It hurts to know that she does not see the emotional baggage that we are both struggling to carry. It hurts to know that we must carry this baggage on our own. We don't talk about it. Noah has always been the silent type-he just stares at you with his big eyes and waits for you to say something, anything that would let him out of the situation. He doesn't want to discuss anything that could be potentially painful-That goes for my whole family actually. We will all passive aggressively skirt around an argument for weeks, months, even years, until one day one of us can't take it anymore. We let it all out-and it gets ugly.

College is weird. You find out so much about yourself, but at the same time you find out nothing at all. For example, I've found out that I am capable of spending the entirety of my bank account on pizza during my first semester here! I have also figured out how to effectively layer my clothing to protect against the blustery Ohio winter. On the flip side of these things-I have not yet found out how to have the relationships I want to have with people. I just don't understand. How does one make friendships that "last a lifetime", like they so adamantly told us we would, during move-in weekend? I am trying. Maybe I am just not trying hard enough. It's hard when there is no amount of heavy layering that can be done to protect yourself from people's blustery and cold personality traits. Although, I have learned that you can, in fact, pay for friends. Can anyone say Greek Life? Now, I'm not bashing it because, believe it or not, I'm becoming a part of it soon. But, we all know that it is just a game of status and wealth-much like life really. 

Wish me luck!